1. Do you feel good in it?
If you're trying out a new style, this is the very first thing to assess before walking out of the house in it. There have been times where I was at home, not feeling quite 100 percent with my outfit, and once I stepped in the school doors I wanted to turn around get go change. But by that point, it's usually too late, so you end up feeling (usually) uncomfortable and stupid all day, and the fact that people ARE looking at you sucks.
The best thing to do with a lolita outfit in this situation is think of the exact style you are going for. Whether it be sweet, classic, gothic, guro, shiro, pirate, country.... whatever your favorite style is, stick with it. I, for one, love sweet lolita. I've tried out some classic coords and I just don't feel good in them. I feel frumpy and a little stupid. it's not my cup of tea. Once you decide what you love and feel best in, the other parts will be easier to handle.
2. Know what you're getting into.
Something I hear a lot of new J-Fashioners saying is complaints about the way people react to how they're dressing. I remember my first day wearing a decora coord to my school. I go to a public school in a somewhat poor community. It's well known that the kids at my school are less well behaved than at most schools and there is a huge problem with fighting and discrimination at my school. However, I knew this before I walked in.
I was a freshman so I wasn't really someone everyone knew. I heard curse words, slurs, people asking me what I was wearing. People touched and grabbed my hair without permission and it was a terrible first day. However, I felt good with what I was wearing and why I was wearing it so I just ignored the harassment. This, I think, is what people have the worst problem getting over when going out in J-Fashion. You just need to know, I will offend and upset some people with how I look. People will be rude. People will try and make me feel bad. If you can get over this fact, then you're set to jet.
The best thing to do is constantly remember why you're doing it. If harassment leaves you feeling terrible all day, then this fashion isn't for you. You're dressing this way because YOU want to. Because YOU like it. No one else can tell you what to wear or why to wear it and if you remember this, then you can defeat any sort of harassment. But another great way to overcome things are...
3. Your friends!
Yesterday, I wore lolita to school. I was walking home with my friend Hannah and we were talking about how people talk bad about each other. "That's what I love about you," she said. "You can walk around, dressing in lolita, and not care whether people are talking bad about you. You don't care what anyone thinks or says."
I kid you not, if it were not for the support and love of my friends, I would never come to school dressing lolita. I get scared sometimes. The... "walk of shame", I would call it, before I get into my school is one of the worst feelings. People outside of the school stare at me and laugh. I always have this though of going back to the car and asking to go home and change. But I keep walking. More people are looking at me. I hear people saying things like "why is she wearing that?" or "what the!". However, once I get into the commons, and I see my group of friends, they help me through it.
Some of them won't say anything, some of them will give me compliments. I'll get hugs and go along with my day. My friend Ashley, also a lolita, will tell me how cute I look. Some of my friends won't even say anything, as if I was dressed just like anyone else. I think those people help me the most, because they realize clothes are clothes (although compliments are nice too xD)
I guess what I'm trying to say is, as long as your friends are there and not harassing you, it feels a lot easier. If they love you or even care about you slightly it won't matter what you look like. It won't matter what you wear. You're still you. And they like you for a reason. As long as they're standing behind you, everything will be alright. Heck, you might even make new friends by wearing lolita.
4. Always be kind
I've gotten some pretty odd compliments and questions asked before. I've never once been mean or rude to someone if they ask about why I'm wearing it or something, because nine out of ten times, the people actually want to know. If someone asks what seems a rude question, just answer back kindly. Don't be mean back and don't be rude if someone says something rude to you. You're so much better than that. Just kindly say, it's a Japanese fashion, and I'm wearing it because I like it. Most people will even appreciate you for saying this.
If you're going to a place a lot or everyday, like school or work, then the questions will stop coming as often because they'll get used to it. And being mean will just make a harsher environment for yourself rather than if you're just nice. However, this is not to say don't defend yourself. IF someone is hurting you, contact someone who can help you or if worst comes to worst, use some self defense.
All in all, lolita is a hard fashion to go out in. But as long as you feel good, know what's coming, have support, and be kind, you'll be a very confident lolita. Don't just expect bad either. Yesterday I went to go see a play and when I walked in someone yelled "Lolita!". There are people who know what you're doing and there are people who will love it. And without further ado, I'll show you guys just what I wore yesterday. I think I would go so far as to say it's my best coordinate yet.
Like what you see? Check out my lookbook!
Thank you for reading, and I hope this helped some of you with being confident!
Yours Truly, Jamie♥